I’m a creative person I think by nature. I have the need and desire to make or create something ever day. Somedays I feed into that desire and somedays I don’t. The ones where I don’t are often the biggest mistake days.
I feel like I’ve missed something.
I have talked about this a little before. How I focused only on the perfect shot, the perfect light, the perfect everything. Probably a shameful amount of money wasted on that “in” prop, that fantastic action, that new lens. I forgot to be creative and jumped into the pool with everyone else looking for their signature style.
Four years ago you’d never have seen me with a flash, let alone three plus several strobes. You would see me fawning over the brilliants like Zack Arias or Kelly Moore. More then once you would of heard me preach to the light that God provided. Why would I need “fake” light.
Stupid me, God gave us fake light too. I was just to bullheaded to realize that I had so much to learn and was to afraid to take the next steps. I didn’t give anything enough of a chance because I was too busy chasing someone else’s style.
I forgot to think about myself for once. My style. My guess is no one got famous, good famous for copying anyone else.
I think though now, I’m finding myself in the light, the natural and the artificial. In the store bougth modifiers and this new found fantasy, this obsession with DIY. I play with one light and three lights and umbrellas and corrugated plastic. I am making a beauty dish out of a plastic bowl, even if the spray painting isn’t going so well.
I’m finding my style. And I like it.
Most of the time.
I think that’s where photography gets personal and sometimes painful. While beautiful, I don’t have the bright, airy photographs. I push more towards the darkness. I purposely underexpose. I like the occasional pinlight and feel like I don’t “fit in”. I have this desire to capture people is the sad and the forlorn. And the happy too.
It’s my art, I know the rules but that doesn’t mean I have to follow them.
But I often question where it leaves me professionally. Where am I in the pool of amazing artists and will I ever have the respect and following. And does it even matter?
It probably doesn’t. I love this work, this job, these clients and this darkness.
Not everything is sunshine and rainbows. It’s never your perfect, only mine. I am looking forward to taking it to the next level. With light and clients and people and friends. I hope that you will take the ride with me.
