“You don’t like feeling that way? So change it!”
“Life isn’t meant to be easy.”
“This is what life is like. Get used to it.”
“Who said that life is fair?”
“You just have to get on with things.”
“At least it’s not that bad.”
“Stop feeling sorry for yourself.”
“You have so many things. What do you have to feel down about?”
“You just need to cheer up.”
“Quit trying to be a martyr.”
“I know how you feel. I’ve been depressed for whole days at a time.”
“Are you sure you don’t have a mental problem?”
“Have you tried acupuncture?”

“Why don’t you try not being depressed.”

As I approach the birth of my fourth child, I can’t help but start to think about the “after” of it all. If you’ve read or follow my blog for any amount of time you’d know that I’ve suffered with debilitating depression most of my adult life and often I think much of my childhood too. Last night I was reading a link someone sent me and there was the list above (I admit, I pulled a few that didn’t apply to me) and realized, without realizing, I’ve slipped down the slope again. My first clue should of been the fact I can’t sleep, ever, despite being 100% exhausted all the time.

So as this new little one approaching, I’m starting to worry about Postpartum. I luckily escaped it right away with my oldest. However, was not so lucky after Davis was born. Alone and discharged, I had this baby who wouldn’t eat and I sat on my porch crying, praying CPS wouldn’t take him away because I was starving him.

I’m not sure I had just a “normal” case of the baby blues at that point.

Mix a huge emotion, chemical and physical drop with a brain that already is webbed with depression and low self esteem and you get me, a sobbing mess, walking through Target only a couple days postpartum, desperate for a nipple shield and praying no one notices how upset I am or what a horrible mother I’ve convinced myself I am.

One in ten women develop severe, long lasting postpartum symptoms and I am one of them.

So why do I write this? Because I’m not sure people realize I’m not faking it. I’ve heard all of the above from a lot of people. I’ve been told from people I KNOW are also suffering to suck it up. It doesn’t work. Depression, be it postpartum or something more, like mine, is real. It’s an illness treated with medicine often just like epilepsy or the common cold.

Depression is not something that is all in my head or yours.

I admit sometimes I want to wear a sign around my neck that says, “I suffer from depression and anxiety. Please don’t touch me or ask me if I am sad, I’m not just sad” and other times I want to pretend like I am 100% normal, happy even, with the ability to look at everything in life half full. It’s a fine line deciding if I want to be the me that’s got “depression”, who is artistic and creative or if I want to be the other person who medicates but loses little pieces of her creative person and lust to create.

I’ve not found my perfect being yet. And mixed with a profound and unrelenting social anxiety, I’m not sure I ever will.

So what I am asking is for you to look around you and look for the “me” in your life. Sometimes all they need is a simple “Hi!” text to get them through the slump…. I think it’s easy to want to drag people like me out of their houses by the hand and MAKE them enjoy life. But it doesn’t work for everyone. Sometimes the thought of having to put on a happy face for people is worse then the actual symptoms of the disease itself. Asking, “are you ok” is great but asking then walking away doesn’t help. Quite honestly, it does the opposite. “Just be happy”, doesn’t work. How you’d react doesn’t apply to me…. I’m not you, although believe me, if I could just switch how I felt, I might….

Depression is real and it’s serious and millions upon millions of people suffer.

Clinical depression affects about 19 million Americans and contributes to about half of the suicides each year. Suicide. That means death.

Depression is twice as common in women as it is men. Scary.

So, this is my public service announcement for the week. I encourage you to take depression very seriously, it’s not to be messed with…..